NSL RECAP – DC INFERNO AT PHILADELPHIA FREEDOM 2025!

By Jim Massie, factory clerk

It’s been over a week since we last had a pro squash event in Philadelphia and the city lies in ruins.  Only one thing can get the people to put aside their differences, work together and raise this once-great metropolis back to its place at the pinnacle of humanity – the inaugural Women’s NSL match against a team from the hated District of Columbia!  Jackson Bragman, Sean Choi and local superstar/used car salesman impersonator/white shoe enthusiast BG Lemmon are on hand to provide their own inimitable, provocative commentary.

Amanda Sobhy (left) has seen things.  And she’s judging you for not having seen them.

OVERVIEW:

Let’s address the Declaration of Independence in the room right off the bat – the Philadelphia Freedom’s controversial decision to draft World #10 Rowan Elaraby in the third round this year.  Sure the talent is there, but the character concerns surrounding “Tinkerbell” (her gang name) could destroy a locker room culture like that.  Check counterfeiting?  She’s done it.  Laughing at puns?  All the way to the bank.  Also a child of Deion Sanders?!  I’m not ruling it out  I hope the owners have established ironclad rules because otherwise she’s going to steal all their laptops – I’ve seen her do it.  If head coach Dale “Bella” Ramsey can keep her straight, though, she’ll be paired with Philly native, US Champion and World #4 Olivia “Seamstress” Weaver and Colombia’s Catalina “La Artista” Pelaez and they’ll be Vegas favorites to win it all.

The District Inferno tonight feature Maria “Slayer” Stephan, world #19 Rachel Arnold, who went undrafted because the flight from downtown Malaysia to anywhere takes 117 hours, and former US Champion and current world #8 Amanda “Akiles” Sobhy, who has got an absolutely amazing, George-Foreman-Grille-level sponsorship opportunity in front of her.  The Bragman, meanwhile, assures us that Stephan got her nickname because she was angry at Philly for not drafting her and murdered the low-level Freedom staffer who took Pelaez instead, so tensions are a bit high.  Their coach is a casually-dressed tourist named Josh.

THE MATCH ITSELF: 

Sean Choi, in his never-ending quest to get the players to just start whaling on each other with their racquets, openly questioned if Olivia Weaver was really the US Number One and hoped that the coaches would match her against Sobhy.  They wisely denied him, instead pitting Elaraby against the legendary Southpaw, and everyone involved had a collective anxiety attack when Sobhy called for timeout and started rubbing her calf two points in.  Fortunately she recovered, but unfortunately for DC the period spiraled out of control from there.  Elaraby and Weaver built a solid 30-16 lead, forcing Slayer Stephan to take a ton of risks that didn’t pay off against Pelaez, and the Freedom looked like they might turn the first WNSL match into a laugher.

“Catalina Artista Peláez pinta un cuadro con el balón entre las piernas.” ¿Qué maldita sea, autotraductor? ¡¿Dónde está el “redo”?!

Sean and the Bragman wondered what DC could do to flip the script in Period 2, and incredibly DC followed Bragman’s advice to the letter.  At first it looked disastrous, but then we realized what Coach Josh already knew – that Rachel Arnold is one of those people who is so terrifying that she doesn’t need a nickname, like Mike Tyson or Cher.  Her hyper-aggressive, super-accurate drop game turned the match on its head and gave DC a late lead; fortunately for Philly, Rowan Elaraby returned from email-spoofing just in time to go +7 against Sobhy and nick the period.

Still, it was clear that DC had found something.  Eager for revenge, Sobhy won her first shift against Tinkerbell 8-7 despite the latter’s power play, and Rowan’s expression suggested she was going to land the Jolly Roger on the referee in the parking lot after the match.  DC then kept momentum with Rachel Arnold turning in her second consecutive +10 shift (against Olivia Weaver of all people!) and even after Pelaez used the final Philly powerplay against Maria Stephan to close the gap, DC still held a two-point lead AND their final powerplay.  It all came down to Tink versus Fireball Rachel, and I’m not going to even try to do justice to the incredible battle that took place over the next eight minutes.  If you feel like cheating yourself, though, skip to the bottom of the Chart of Charts to see what happened.  Click on the names with asterisks to watch their powerplays!

MEGARALLIES:

Click player names to view the megarallies!

Weaver-Arnold 1: Powerplay Megarally!

Weaver-Arnold 2

Pelaez-Stephan 1

Weaver-Stephan 1

Weaver-Arnold 3

Elaraby-Sobhy 2

Elaraby-Sobhy 4: Powerplay Shenanigans!

Weaver-Arnold 4: Reading like a Book

Pelaez-Stephan 2: This Time It’s Personal

Elaraby-Arnold 1: Fight to The End

MASSIE’S MEGARALLIES:

Elaraby-Sobhy 1: DC was up by two, it was the world number 10 versus the world number 8 and both Amanda and Rowan realized Period 2 came down to them.  They stood in the middle of the court shoulder to shoulder swinging away with bad intentions.  Still, on these longer rallies Sobhy had to bank points because of her calf tweak, so when Elaraby came out ahead on this one you could almost feel the momentum swing.  Sure enough, the vicious fairy took the lead three points later and never looked back.

Elaraby-Sobhy 3: REVENGE!:  DC had to win Period 3 to force overtime, and to win period 3 they couldn’t afford an early deficit.  Down 2-3 after already losing two shifts against her cattle-rustlin’ Egyptian foe, Amanda Sobhy needed to turn back the clock and for 26 glorious shots she did exactly that.  She zipped into the back corners, lunged in the front court like she did two tendons ago and when she finally got a chance to glue a forehand drop to the side wall she put it away.  Akiles FTW!

MASSIE’S WOMAN OF THE MATCH:

As an excitable nerd, I always want things to come down to the wire, and as a competitive jock I always want the two MVP candidates to be in a ferocious duel at the end, Highlander-style.  With eight minutes left, Rachel Arnold was +14 for the night and Rowan Elaraby was +17, and Coaches Josh and Ramsey obliged both me and history and sent them in to see who survived.  When the shrapnel fell silent Tinkerbell was the last woman standing, albeit barely, and was accordingly my inaugural WNSL Woman of the Match.  She not only saved period 2 mujer-a-mujer against Amanda Sobhy, but she then faced down the scorching-hot Arnold AND overcame a powerplay with overtime at stake.  It kills me to say this given her sordid history of elephant stampeding, but Philly’s management was right to put their trust in Tink.  She’s truly arrived as one of the greats and Freedom Fans know they can put the ball in her hands with the game on the line.

FINAL THOUGHTS: 

I’m still reeling from that ending so I have to put things in bullet points or I’ll type for six more pages.

–  I cannot believe that Rachel Arnold was able to get off the court under her own power.  If I’m DC ownership I’m not letting her get back to Malaysia; I’m locking her into a long-term contract while she’s still in a wheelchair for the next couple of days.

– The NSL format is going to be way higher-scoring for women because of the drop game, with wild point swings and comebacks.  Make sure your heart medications are filled.

– It delights me that Sean and the Bragman are so miserable, yet I agree with them that a shootout there would have elevated this to the greatest NSL match ever.  It was still incredible and anyone who was anywhere else in Philly on Saturday night had better have an amazing excuse.

~ squash love!

Jim